Tales from the Clan Ralley

Well I am not really sure how to write exactly what I am thinking right now but here it goes anyway. I find myself in complete frustration sometimes and it is not always clear exactly what to do, or say, or even think. Yesterday was a nightmare, and it really put a damper on my spirits. Last night started just like any other ordinary and uneventful night in Chirpan. I got a call from my friend XXXXX and he said that he wanted to meet up at the usual bar for a couple drinks. At this point I am sitting in my room, bored out of my mind, dreaming about central heating. So I say why not, I will meet you there. I had been sitting in my house the whole day, and had no objection to taking a break from my hermit lifestyle. I then walked down to the local café and met with XXXXX, his girlfriend, and a group of about 5 other guys. The beginning of the evening was very typical and pleasant. I was enjoying my 60 cent gin and tonic, and answering the usual questions. (‘What do you think of your president?’ ‘Do you like Bulgaria?’ ‘Why are you here?’ ECT). Then all of a sudden, and completely out of the blue, the guy sitting on my right changed the subject and blew my mind. The oafish, rocker type guy asked me what I thought about Hitler. Well I am sure you’re thinking…WTF..what kind of question is that….umm yeah… I wasn’t really prepared for that one. But it gets better… after I gave him the typical ‘Hitler was a monster’ response. He proceeded to tell me how Hitler was a great man, and how he believed in all his ideas about racial purity ect.. After the conversations got rolling, the other guys at the table started talking about how Jews, blacks, Roma and so on, are social parasites that are less than human. I tried to explain to these people how I felt, but they didn’t want to listen. I did my best to explain to them that it’s an issue of poverty, discrimination, and destructive negative stereotypes. Needless to say, by this point I am very shocked and frustrated with the situation. My friend XXXXX notices that I am appalled by what is being said, and quickly apologizes for the other guys and tells me that they are drunk. I said that I just don’t understand why they think the way they do. I told XXXXX that speaking of what Hitler has done ‘as good’, is wrong and completely unacceptable, especially where I am from. Obviously at this point the evening was in a fast and painful downward spiral. I thought to myself, ‘these people are just idiots’, and its not XXXXX’s fault that these people are anti-Semitic bigots. To my shock and dismay, XXXXX responded by telling me that he feels the same way about Hitler, and that he hates Jews because they are parasites. Well that was enough for me, the one person at the table whom I thought would see through the bullshit and understand that the other guys are wrong, tells me that he is narrow minded as well. Well the moral of the story……. I have no idea. What I am going to do……. I have no Idea. How I am going to go about finding decent friends…….. beats me.
This was the first time I have ever felt so angry about close-minded people. I felt ganged up on and helpless. My language skills hindered my ability to debate, and made it difficult to explain exactly how I feel. It was absolutely frustrating, and I felt very ashamed to be around these types of people.
Well I am sorry that this blog entry is written so poorly and has such a negative tone to it. It’s just my way of venting I Suppose, so enough of my bantering……………………….OVER AND OUT

Super Bowl Dissaster & Random Thoughts

Well after the lengthy and sluggish bus ride from Chirpan to Sofia, I met up with my friend John Maden at an overpriced Irish bar for some burgers. It is the only place I have found in this country that has legit hamburgers. It is not unusual to see hamburgers on a typical Bulgarian menu. However this is just a cruel and deceptive trick, because the hamburger you order will actually be a hot dog cut in half sandwiched by bread and completely saturated in fowl tasting condiments. The Bulgarians haven’t quite mastered the fabrication of a quality hamburger. Well after our 9 leva Guinness’s, burgers and turning down offers from the local pimp, we walked over to Boudreaux’s place. Boudreaux and his wife Andrea are PCVs from Colorado who were placed in Sofia. They are a young married couple that are working for a few various NGOs; one being Habitat for Humanity. After a couple glasses of wine, some great conversations and a few casual smoking sessions with their hookah, it was time for the big game. Greg finally showed up at this point, it was snowing like crazy so the buses were slow and unreliable to say the least. We arrived at JJ Murphy’s Irish pub at 130am. It was packed with PCVs and other ex-pats. I even met a journalist from Seattle, whom I immediately spotted because of his Mariners baseball cap. The game to say the least was very disappointing. Watching some hilarious and creative commercials may have lightened the blow, but no luck with that one. It was and international broadcast, with British announcers and only European commercials. I could not believe how awful the Sea Hawks played. Well I guess we did what was expected and choked under the pressure. I think it’s lame and pathetic for Seattle fans to blame the game on the ref. There is definitely a small margin of error in any game you choose to play. This margin does not lose or win the game; it was the dropped balls and botched plays that led us into failure. Despite the disappointing loss and my severe sleep depravation, I had a great time. It is times like these that I am able to escape from reality and drift into a comfortable home away from home. Just being able to speak English for an entire evening is enough to put a smile on my face.
Living alone has been unpleasant as well as very challenging for me. I am starting to feel like a hermit, and am not enjoying the feeling of solitude. I miss the times that I could just turn on the tube and drink a beer with the roomies after work. Now days I come home from work and don’t say a word until the next morning at work. I hardly ever speak English now days, which has also been adding to the frustration I am feeling. The isolation I feel from the language barrier is magnified by my living situation. Well fortunately I have weekends to blow off steam with friends in my surrounding cities. Also, having Internet access has been wonderful, it helps pass the time, and keeps me connected to the people I care about.
‘Out of site out of mind’ is this why I am becoming more and more comfortable with the problems in my town? I went for a walk the other day around the edges of my city and was completely astonished by what I saw. There were children and old women dumpster diving, and the houses looked unlivable, especially during this brutal and relentless winter. How is it possible for these people to live in such poverty and survive the current temperatures? It snowed aver a foot this weekend, but luckily I have a heater, a warm bed and a boiler that gives me a constant supply of hot water. I actually have not been to the ‘Mahala’ (roma slum) in my town yet. The mahala is completely isolated from the rest of the city and is known to only have an hour of running water per day. I am very bothered by the way these people are often looked at as inhuman, and not respected by the majority of Bulgarians. It is perhaps the biggest and most controversial issue in Bulgaria. This situation makes me feel completely powerless, it has been getting easier and easier for me to forget about this problem and slowly put it out of my mind. A large part of community integration is fitting in and accepting the social norms and values of your neighbors. I have tried to explain my beliefs about ethnic tolerance and discrimination in the past, but have been shot down quickly by a stubborn and conditioned Bulgarian way of thinking. I have not given up on this complicated issue and plan on creating and implementing some ethnic tolerance education projects as soon as I am able to gain respect and acceptance within my community.
When I first arrived in Chirpan my expectations and aspirations were sky high. I felt like I could easily make a very substantial impact on my community. Once in Chirpan, I began to brainstorm potential project ideas that I would be able to accomplish during my time here. I thought about the visible problems such as ethnic tolerance, Education, and city infrastructure. I soon realized that many of my goals were quite possibly too lofty. How can I change the minds of other people? What can one person do? Why would they respect my opinion? What makes them wrong and me right? These questions are a PCVs worst nightmare. As a PCV, it is very easy to become content with mediocrity. Our country directory often tells us that our main objective is to simply integrate and live harmoniously within our community. I feel this is important, but I also feel that I am here for a more important reason. I really would like to make a sustainable impact on my community. The last several months I have thought very hard about these things, but certainly have not figured out how to decode these problems. Only time will tell how this experience plays out.